Valentine’s Day is nearly here again.

That magical time of year when supermarkets suddenly become a sea of heart-shaped tat, men panic buy roses at petrol stations, and everyone pretends they’re totally relaxed about romance… while quietly spiralling inside.

But me?
I don’t measure love in flowers.

I measure it in cake.

Because after 35 years of baking for birthdays, weddings, break-ups, anniversaries, “I’m sorry” moments and everything in between… I can tell you this:

Your dessert choice says more about you than your star sign ever will.

So if you’re wondering what your Valentine’s order says about you (or your relationship)… pull up a chair.

And let’s get into it.

1. Chocolate Fudge Cake

Love Language:Physical Touch + Emotional Intensity

You are not here for “a little treat.”

You want full bodied, deep, rich, dramatic love… the kind that makes people text paragraphs.

You’re the type who doesn’t just fall in love you launch yourself into it, like a spoon into warm ganache.

You love hard.
You feel everything.
And if someone says “I’m fine”… you immediately know they are not.

You don’t want romance.
You want obsession.

2. Lemon Drizzle / Anything Citrus

Love Language:Acts of Service

You are emotionally stable.

Which is rare.

You don’t need grand gestures, fireworks or forced romance. You want someone who notices the little things:

• puts the kettle on

• remembers your coffee order

• warms the car up when it’s frosty

• and doesn’t leave wet towels on the bed

You are the person who keeps the household running, and you deserve someone who doesn’t treat you like their personal assistant.

You may look sweet… but you have standards.

Sharp ones.

Like lemon.

3. Victoria Sponge

Love Language:Quality Time

You’re a classic romantic.

You don’t want chaos, you don’t want drama, you don’t want “situationships.”
You want a proper cup of tea, a proper slice of cake, and a proper relationship.

You’re the kind of person who wants to sit down and actually talk.

No phones.
No distractions.
Just someone who’s present.

Also… you secretly love a bit of tradition.

And honestly?
Same.

4. Scones (with jam and cream, obviously)

Love Language:Acts of Service + Long-Term Loyalty

You are not here for drama.

You want real love. Dependable love. The kind of love that turns up on time, makes tea, and knows exactly how you take your coffee.

Scone people are practical romantics.
You don’t need fireworks — you need someone who remembers the little things, shows up when it matters, and understands that comfort is a love language in itself.

Also… let’s be honest.

You absolutely judge people who don’t know the correct jam/cream order.

Because you have standards.

And frankly, you’re right.

5. Red Velvet

Love Language:Words of Affirmation

You don’t want love.

You want proof of love.

You want compliments, declarations, appreciation, and the occasional dramatic message that says:

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

You like romance with a capital R.

You love candles.
You love love.
And you definitely own a lipstick that could stop traffic.

If your Valentine doesn’t write a card, you will notice.
And you will remember.

Forever.

6. Brownies

Love Language:Gift Giving (but low effort)

You’re fun.
You’re easy going.
You’re the type who says “don’t fuss”…

…but you still want something.

You don’t want a five course tasting menu, you want:

• good music

• comfy clothes

• and something chocolatey that hits the spot

You’re the person who says:
“Just bring snacks and we’ll be fine.”

And honestly?
That’s a solid love language.

Brownie people are good people.

7. Cheesecake

Love Language:Quality Time + Secret Control Issues

You like things a certain way.

Not “high maintenance”… just correct.

You want the right texture, the right base, the right amount of sweetness, and a partner who understands that yes, you absolutely do need to discuss where you’re going for dinner.

You are calm on the surface…
but inside, you’re a strategic planner.

You are not chaotic.

You are curated.

8. Carrot Cake

Love Language:Acts of Service

You’re the kind of person who looks after everyone else.

You are the “I’ll just make sure everyone’s okay” person.

You probably bring snacks in your bag.
You probably own a drawer full of candles.
You probably have a friend who calls you crying once a week.

You want love that feels safe.

And you also want to pretend carrot cake is healthy… which is adorable.

(But let’s be honest. It’s the cream cheese frosting we’re all here for.)

9. Anything with Salted Caramel

Love Language:Physical Touch + Chaos

You’re spicy.

You’re flirty.

You’re probably the reason your relationship has a few dramatic stories attached to it.

You like passion.
You like excitement.
You like your dessert like you like your love life…

sweet, intense, and slightly dangerous.

If your Valentine is boring, you will accidentally start an argument just to feel something.

(Respect.)

10. Anything with Meringue

Love Language:Words of Affirmation

You are a dreamer.

You want love that feels light, romantic and magical.

You like being told you’re special.
You like being noticed.
You like being adored.

You’re the type who loves handwritten notes, playlists, and messages that start with:

“I saw this and thought of you…”

You don’t want someone who just loves you.

You want someone who makes you feel like the main character.

11. And finally… Bread & Butter Pudding

Love Language:COMMITMENT

If someone buys you bread & butter pudding…

They are not flirting.

They are basically proposing.

This isn’t “cute little Valentine’s treat” energy.
This is deep love, long-term devotion, and someone saying:

“I want you warm, happy, fed, and emotionally supported.”

Bread & butter pudding is comfort.
It’s security.
It’s the culinary equivalent of being wrapped in a blanket while someone tells you everything is going to be alright.

If your Valentine turns up with this?

That’s not a date.
That’s a future.

So what’s the conclusion?

Whether you’re loved up, single, divorced, dating, married, heartbroken, or pretending you “don’t care about Valentine’s Day”…

Here’s the truth:

Cake never disappoints.
It never forgets your birthday.
It never leaves you on read.
And it never says “I’m just not ready for a relationship right now.”

So if all else fails this Valentine’s…

Buy yourself cake.

Or better yet, bake one.
Light a candle.
Put your favourite playlist on.

And remember:

The best kind of love is the one you can eat.

And if anyone’s wondering… yes, I can make a bread & butter pudding so good it could secure a marriage.
Now I just need to find a man who deserves a portion.

Happy Valentine’s Day,
Sasha x